How to Get There From Here?

Friday, May 13, 2016

On Creative Visualization, Completion Anxiety, & Powering on Through

Aka How to Get There from Here. 

"You don't owe anyone anything."  -Mom

"I can do anything I want or imagine.  It will have consequences.  That isn't necessarily a bad thing."  -me

'The task before us will be hard.  Then we will do that which is hard.' - possibly me, paraphrasing fictional President Bartlett, paraphrasing JFK?

When I first heard of self-sabotage, I thought, 'this is really a thing?'

Oh yea.  It's a thing. 

When I started work on the natural stone patio (107 years ago), I had energy & enthusiasm, some methods research under my belt, & most of a plan.   Aha!  You've no doubt seized upon the problem.  Half-baked?  That's me.  Ok, more like 3/4 baked...or maybe even 7/8 baked. Can we just agree not fully baked, & fractions be damned?  

It turns out unlike 99% of Americans & 110% of HGTV viewers, I don't like to see the end, the result, the reveal.  I like the process, the middle, the nittiest part of the gritty.  I also hate for movies to end, but that's another syndrome for another time.  

Having been this way for at least 53 of my 54 years (there are those pesky fractions again), I've finally discovered the key to completing anything is like the end of a relationship for me--what defines the end of one relationship is the beginning of another. And yes, I realize that is from a movie, but not having watched it to the end I can't tell you which one.  

So in order to finish, or at least DECLARE finished, the stone patio, I actually had to start another, adjacent paver patio.  

The paver patio has been really useful...in forcing me to find other projects attractive. I've recently completed several, rather than follow through with the big project. Since starting the paver patio I have:

 1.  Added several square (actually round) feet to the stone patio, and when that was (choke) finished, 

add the sloping rock gardens & natural stone 'steps' to join it to the paver patio, which I liked so much, 

2.  I doubled the size of one rock garden to wrap around the side of the stone patio, & when there was no conceivable way to extend (read 'drag out') that project further & I was in serious danger of having to resume work on the paver patio, 

3.  I extended up instead of down, & cleared underbrush from the area above the stone patio to make a level pad grilling area, surrounded by colorful plants & shade.  

4.  Again faced with the paver patio, I again turned my back & built up, composing a 'crackpot wall' out of broken pot shards, rocks, & transplanted bromeliads, up the slope behind the grilling area. 

When, in near panic, I realized the stone patio, rock gardens, grilling area & 'lazy wall' slope were, in fact, all complete, I turned to the paver patio &...

5.  Instead cleared & replanted the big planters by my kitchen door,

then 

Planted Petria vine & transplanted Surinam cherry bushes to spots in front of the blue cinder block wall, & then

6.  Cleared all the piles of stuff that had accumulated during high season on every available surface in my living/dining/kitchen area & cleaned,

7.  Took down one of my other almost finished projects--faux Roman shades that needed one more rod casing in the middle to make them less faux/more functional,

8.  Which caused me to take down all the screens & wash them...

& then the Windows, inside & out. My house thus converted into a bright & happy little fishbowl (HI NEIGHBORS!!), I started to address the remaining room of 'potential piles,' my studio...

Found it too scary & so

9.  I made an assessment of the front porch furniture, opted to give away 4 swiveling rattan chairs before I could reconsider/repaint & keep them.  Then I surveyed the orchids to decide which weren't thriving & tied the punies in trees where they should be happier. 

10.  I then realized Mu has confounded the oddsmakers & at 10 years old, learned a new trick--how to vanish through chain link fence & walk herself around the neighborhood (SIX TIMES now), so I got planks, chicken wire & fence ties & after 5 tries, believe I have finally mastered my Alcatraz project, leaving her to scrape her tin kibble cup along the bars & focus on her harmonica practice. 

Taking one last glance to be sure the studio is as frightening as I recall (YES!  NOT GOING IN THERE YET!!),

11.   I draped washed-soft canvas painter's tarps over the big red sectional sofa to decide if my plan to make slipcovers of the tarps would work (& it does--fabric feels great & the stone color will be a refreshing neutral when paired with bright toss cushions), 

12.  Cut out/sewed a marketing tote from upholstery fabric, then cut out 2 more...

Looked at the studio once more.  Shut that door once more.

13.  Stopped at Home Depot & photographed available cement block options with their prices & 

Found it too scary & so

Looked at the studio once more.  Shut that door once more.

14.  Plotted 3 large slightly raised, terraced veggie beds, 

15.  And after work, I'll stop at Home Depot & make arrangements for delivery of 100 blocks, rebar, Quickcrete & landscaping gravel,

So I can lay out the planting beds &

FINISH THE PAVER PATIO. 

It's either that, slipcover the sofa, or organize the dreaded studio.

Time to break up with the damn patio.